


Cat-astrophe Redux

by firewolfsg



Series: Gambit's Cat-astrophe [2]
Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2000-03-01
Updated: 2000-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 06:06:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firewolfsg/pseuds/firewolfsg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh no! Gambit's stuck in his cat again.  Unfortunately, the only one left in the mansion with him is Scott. Eep! How's the Cat-jun going to cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1: What? Again?

A persistent beeping in the background intruded into Gambit's dreams. [Merde, how can a body sleep with all dat racket? ] He yawned and stretched, extending his claws and tail out to his fullest leng-- Claws? Tail?

Remy opened his eyes to blink at the black paws in front of him. As his sleep numbed mind started to wake up, he slowly became aware of the warm body beneath him with the comforting and steady heart beat.

[Merde!]

The black cat with red on black eyes leaped to its feet and stared down at the human body beneath it... Remy's human body, which was currently hooked up to various medical equipment that measured his heart beat, breathing and other essential functions.

[Non. Non! NON! This can't be happening again?!]

The door to the med-lab slid open as Scott Summers entered carrying a small dish of cat food.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, breakfast. Remy had better be grateful for--"

The lithe black cat launched itself off the body to land on Scott's chest, pushing the X-Man backwards with the unexpected assault. By whatever token of chance, Scott managed to retain his hold on the dish of food, even as he was sent reeling back against the wall.

#Scott! What de hell happened dis time?!#

"R-Re-Remy?" Scott sneezed into the cat's face, making it leap back onto the table.

#Yuck. What was dat for?# Remy started to clean his face.

"Your whiskers tickled me." Scott rubbed his nose with his free hand. "But--but what--you--we just talked yesterday--when--how--what--?"

Remy stared from his body to Scott and back again, his tail flickering. #Never mind how, where's Jean, or Betsy?#

"Er ..."

#What?#

"We're the only two X-Men in residence this week, remember?"

@};-'- @};-'-

Remy paced the length of the communications room, his long black tail flicking back and forth behind him.

#Okay, de last time de X-Men fought de N'gari, we brought back a couple o' eggs by accident. I remember dat. De eggs hatched, we fought de baby bugs, an' we trashed de mansion. Again! Dat tell Gambitdat de X-Men should have a construction crew on permanent retainer. Why didn' we ever sign dat agreement wit' Damage Control‡, Scottie?#

"Wolverine wouldn't let us--something about a pie... Remy, will you stop pacing? I'm getting this link up as fast as I can." Scott turned away from his wiring of the Communications console to yell at the cat "I know you're upset, bu-"

#Gambit's a cat! Again! Why? Why does dis happen t' me? What is dis? De forth time? What did I do t' deserve dis?#

Scott shrugged before he went back to his rewiring.

#Where was I? Oh yah. In de fight, Gambit got hurt, an' he got t' stay in de infirmary f' a week, or Henri promised t' tie him t' de bed f' dat week if he try t' drag his carcass back t' his room. Since his lab was trashed, an' he was so sure of a breakthrough, Henri an' Jean are at Muir Island t' talk t' Moria about de Legacy virus. Stormy be wantin' t' check on Kitty and her new paramour, so she with dem. Betsy wanted t' visit her brother, an' where Betsy go Warren also follows, so dey all in England too.

#Joseph started t' remember dat he a grandpappy cause his son has a daughter, so he go t' visit X-Factor. Wolverine and Rogue with him f' moral support, an' t' stop any trouble. Bobby's on home leave t' see his dad. Bishop and Sam took off for some time off, and t' visit de professor in lock-up. So Henri left y' de responsibility t' watch de automated repair systems, make sure Gambit stays in bed, and take care o' his cat. And dis morning, Gambit wake up as his cat. Why?!#

"Thank you for the narration, oh amusing TMBC. This sounds like one of those cartoon synopsis before the show starts..." Scott muttered under his breath. "Remy, can't you transfer your mind back into your own body?"

#Gambit don't know how! If Gambit c'ld transfer his mind back, y' t'ink Gambit still be here? Y' t'ink it so easy f' Jeannie and Betsy t' teach anyone everything 'bout telepathy in two months? Telepathy 101 don't got anything on mind hopping!#

"Sorry."

#Y' got de link up yet, mon ami?#

"Stop bugging me. I'm working as fast as I can. And Remy?"

#Yeah?#

"IF YOU DON'T STOP PACING, I'M GONNA LOCK YOU IN YOUR CAT CARRIER!"

@};-'- @};-'-

_Summarily, Scott finally fixed the teleconferencing relays and called his wife while the black cat watched him anxiously._

"Hold ya horses, Summers. I called ya wife." Pete Wisdom frowned down on him, the Englishman looking none too happy to be seated at the Muir Island console. Nothing interesting ever happened, and he was sure the systems could monitor themselves, but it was his turn to be on duty.

Jean and Moria eventually entered the room. "Hi, Hon? The teleconferencing relays are up fast. Did you decide to speed up the repairs?"

"You could say that. How's everything coming along at Muir?"

"Slow. Hank's not in the best of spirits at the moment." Jean glanced at Moria, who smiled resignedly at her.

"Ooch, and we thought it was so close. Henri's right miserable noo."

"Sorry to hear that. Er--Jean, when can you come back?"

"Next week-"

#NEXT WEEK?!!#

Jean didn't know what to say when she saw her husband nearly land face first into the controls as a lithe black cat leaped on his head.

#Scott, y' tell your wife we need her now!# Remy balanced delicately on Scott's head by hooking his back paws on the back of his ruby quartz visor, while resting his front paws on Scott's mop of brown hair.

Pete and Moria stayed quiet, though Pete was starting to crack a grin at the humorous scene. Boring monitor duty be damned, he was suddenly glad he was on duty at that moment.

"Er--Scott? Why is Remy's cat...?" Jean's words trailed off as understanding dawned on her.

"Geerrooff my head! Ugh!" Scott simultaneously tried to prevent his visor from slipping and pull the cat off.

"Scott?" Jean's hand covered her eyes as Moria and Pete turned to stare at her. "Please tell me Remy's mind *isn't* in his cat again."

"Okay, 'Remy's mind isn't--' Ooow! Leggo! Leggo!"

The Muir Island audience choked back a laugh at the sight of the black cat biting and pulling at the harried X-Man's hair.

"Hell of a time to have a sense of humor, husband mine. Stop teasing Gambit."

"Me? Teasing Gambit? *He's* the one sitting on my head and pulling my hair!"

"Well at least he hasn't scratched you." Jean rolled her eyes, "Remy, we can't leave now--"

"Jean! Don't say that! Aaaccckkk!"

Jean was struggling to keep herself from laughing as her husband continued to try to remove the irate cat from his head. Pete and Moria gave up and fled the room, barely able to hold back their shrieks of laughter.

"Remy, please stop harassing my husband." She vainly tried to keep her voice steady. "It's not that I don't want to come back to help you. It's because we can't leave right now. Remy, please listen to reason."

"Urgah! He's a *cat*! Besides, since when has he ever listened to reason?!"

Jean valiantly continued, pretending not to have heard her husband. "The fight with the N'gari totaled the Blackbirds, and Brian has the Midnight Runner scattered over half the hangar here. We had to take a commercial flight and there's simply no seats available back to the US until next week. It is the peak season for travelers. We--Scott? What are you doing?"

The last question was prompted by the sight of her husband leaning back in his seat while holding the cat with one hand and swinging a toy mouse in front of it with the other hand.

"Huh! ~pant~ At last! ~pant~ Finally--have him ~pant~--distracted. ~Whew~ Thank god for catnip."

The black cat was now totally focused on batting the toy mouse with its front paws.

"Scott!!"

"Would you prefer to see the love of your life scratched to bits?"

"Scott, get that away from him! And he *hasn't* scratched you! Remy wouldn't scratch us. If he had wanted to scratch you, you would already be bleeding worse than a stuck pig."

Scott obligingly pulled the toy mouse out of Remy's reach. "Look, are you sure you can't make it back earlier?"

"I'm sorry, Scott, no. ~ Throw that mouse away! ~ Are you sure Emma's not available?"

"She's taken Gen-X on a field trip, won't be back until next week."

"Nathan? ~ Scott, get that mouse out of Remy's sight! ~"

"I can't reach him, where ever *he* is-"

"Scott! Get that mouse-!"

"What?"

A small kinetic explosion broke the mouse's tail in two, and the cat squirmed free to catch the mouse before it hit the floor.

"Oh, shit! I forgot! Gambit! There's food in the infirmary! Gambit!!"

The cat streaked out the door before Scott could scramble to his feet.

"We'll talk later." Jean slapped her head with her hand.

"Thanks, hon. REMY!" Scott tore out of the room after the cat.

Jean hung up the connection and turned to face Ororo and Kitty, who had just entered the room. "Jean? What just happened? We passed Moria and Pete on the way here, and they were laughing too hard to be coherent."

"Remy, has cat problems again."

"Goddess! When we return, his claws had better be intact."

"Cat problems?"

"An accident of sorts transferred Remy's mind into his cat. We still haven't figured out what triggers the transfer. This is the thir--no the forth time it's happened? He still needs help to get his mind back in his body."

A broad grin touched Kitty's lips. "I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't laugh, and I really don't know the man. But from what you tell me, it's seems that being a cat is in character for him."

"I suppose we can't argue with that."

"What's with the claws?"

"On those previous occasions, Scott had professed a desire to have Remy de-clawed." Ororo winced at the memory. "Previously, I was there to stop him, but Remy is on his own this time."

"I'd worry less about his claws, and more about his sanity."

"What was that, Jean?"

"Scott forgot, and now Remy's got the catnip mouse. And by the sound of it, Gambit hasn't had his breakfast yet."

"Goddess! How could he forget?! Remy goes crazy with catnip! How could Scott give him--?"

"He didn't *give* Remy the catnip mouse." Jean waved a hand in exasperation. "Well--not intentionally. Remy exploded the tail and grabbed the mouse. Scott's after him."

"And how is *he* going to catch Remy?" Ororo rolled her eyes. "The last time this happened, you and Wolverine had to work in concert to corner him."

"He took after Remy. We'll just have to hope he doesn't let Remy run too wild." They both cringed at the memory.

"You two can't leave me hanging like this. What happened the last time?" Kitty shook Ororo's arm. "Come on, tell me. Tell me."

"Goddess, we made the connection of catnip to explicit crazed behavior that second time when he was trapped in his cat." Ororo caught the significant look from Jean.

"The first time you gave him catnip, all he did was eat your ferns. After that second time, Remy stayed away from catnip like it was the plague."

"Yyeeessss? So what did he do? What happens when he's like this? Does he tear around the house and knock over lamps?"

"Oh no, we are usually the ones who break things chasing him."

"For one, as Jean mentioned, he eats my ferns while under the influence of catnip. Of course Remy makes restitution by buying me new ferns, and helping me plant them again, but that really is the *least* of his troubles... "

"Oh goodness, yes. He goes completely feral on us, becomes ten times more playful and mischievous than normal..." Jean made a face at the memory. "He makes a general nuisance of himself."

"The important thing is to keep him fed and in the house. Otherwise, he'll be stalking birds, rats, squirrels... anything that's the usual prey of cats."

"He doesn't!"

"Remy's not wasteful. He eats what he kills." Jean stuck her tongue out at that thought.

Kitty looked a bit sick over that statement. "But how come you can't catch him?"

"Remy can be--extra crafty when he's in catnip euphoria. And since he's so small and fast, it's quite a challenge to catch him."

"Even with your powers?"

"His mind has always been difficult to hold. My telepathic efforts bounce off his psi shields. And he's too fast for me to catch him in a TK bubble, unless we corner him first." Jean explained with chagrin. "Tracking him is a bigger problem. Even with the resources of the X-Mansion and Cerebero's help, I can't locate him on the estate."

"We should have asked Sean or Forge to help us house sit." Ororo sighed. "Somehow... I should have guessed leaving those two alone would turn out to be a complete disaster."

"Will he ever forgive Scott?"

"Never mind Remy. Will Rogue let Scott live when she finds out about this?"

@};-'- @};-'-

Scott towel dried the cat on the kitchen table. "I *am* sorry about this, Remy."

#Yeah, right. Y' been wantin' t' drown me f' ages.# The black cat grumped as he submitted to the toweling.

"That's not true. I was desperate! It was either the Supersoaker or my optic blasts, and you'd be hurting bad if I used my optic blasts."

#An' I *suppose* de dunking in de pool was also an accident? Do y' have any idea how awful chlorine tastes? I'll be licking dis stuff on my fur for de next week! Yuck!#

"Sorry. And I thought cats could swim! I did fish you out with a net."

Remy sneezed as Scott continued to rub him dry. "Are you sure you don't want the hair dryer?"

#Scottie, my cat hates de hairdryer. De mind may be human now, but most o' my perceptions are still de cat's.# Remy sneezed again, #I can't believe y' forgot about my reaction t' catnip.#

"I said, I'm *sorry*. The catnip mouse was your cat's favorite toy. You don't spend *that* much time as a cat for me to remember your problems with catnip."

#Okay, spill it. What did I do dis time?# The cat sighed in resignation.

"Er--Considering the damage to the mansion by the N'gari, you probably didn't make too big a dent in damages. It's also not too bad on the Storm front. She's only missing two ferns. But... I--er--found a pile of bird feathers and bones on the front porch. And I guess there was a rat's tail in the yard, but I couldn't be sure, and--"

#Ack! Never mind! I don' want t' know.#

"How *are* you feeling?" Scott ventured cautiously.

#Full. Y' don't need t' feed me t'night, thanks.# Remy sighed, as he shook his head after Scott stopped rubbing him down. #Next week?#

"Afraid so."

#Great.# Remy sneezed again.

"Are you catching a cold?"

#A hot water bottle would be nice.#

"A hot water-"

#Please?# The black cat looked up at him with bright sparkling eyes.

"Aaww, Gambit, don't look at me like that?" Scott cringed away from him.

#Please?#

"You've got no shame! Your cat does that to us often enou-"

The cat sneezed again, then started to shudder.

"Remy? Remy, are you all right?"

The lithe black cat started to cough and choke.

"Remy, what's wrong? What do I do?" Scott dropped the towel and gripped the edge of the table in panic. "Are you dying? Did you get a bone caught down your throat? Can I use the Heimlich maneuver on a cat? Whadda I do? Who's your vet? Does he make house calls?"

#I can handle dis.#

"Remy?! What's wrong?" Scott gripped him under the arms and lifted him in front of him.

#Don' pick me--#

Something wet and solid exploded out of the cat's mouth to land on Scott's shirt.

"Yuck! What is--?!"

#Scott, put me down befor--!# Remy sneezed right into Scott's shirt.

"Yyyyuuuuccckkkk!"

Scott looked from the cat, to the sopping wet mess on his shirt, and back again.

Remy twitched his ears. #Er--de first t'ing dat hit y' was a hair-ball, and--huh, huh--Sorry.#

Scott tucked the cat into the crook of his arm and put the kettle on the stove.

"Okay... I'll make you a hot water bottle. Then I'll go change my shirt." Scott gritted, "Next week, Monday. It's only another five days, Remy. We *will* survive this."

The cat just sniffled.


	2. Day 2: I should scream animal abuse

Hank was working in the Muir Island laboratories with Moria, when Storm entered the room. “And how is the research, Henri? Moria?”

“Slow.“ Hank sighed despondently. “I made a calculation error an--“ The computer beeped at them alerting them to an incoming e-mail.

“Urgent? From the mansion?” Storm glanced over their shoulder.

“No subject? I wonder why Scott didn’t just call--“

> Return-Path: [rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu]  
> From: "Gambit" [rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu]  
> Organization: Xavier Institute of Higher Learning  
> To: hmccoy@muir.com  
> Priority: Urgent  
> Subject:  
> Reply-To: rlebeau@xavier.institute.edu
> 
> HELP

The three people stared at the message for a while. Storm’s eyes grew wide before she dragged Hank out of his seat. They started for the communications room in a dead run, snagging Jean along the way. Moria was too curious not to follow them.

“What? Ororo? Hank? Where’s the fire?” Jean spluttered as her two friends carried her between them towards the heart of the Muir island communications center.

“Your husband is going to answer to me, if he lays one hand on Remy’s black coat.” Storm growled under her breath by way of explanation.

“Huh?”

Kitty and Pete Wisdom were a little ways down the corridor when they saw the group. Guessing what the emergency was, Pete broke into a grin and quickly grabbed Kitty’s hand to pull her into a run after them.

“Pete? What’s going--? “

Brian, Betsy and Warren looked up in surprise at the crowd that came charging through the doors of the communications center.

“Excuse me.” Hank wasted no time in patching a call through to Westchester.

They all gather in front of the Video conferencing equipment to have the monitor open on a scene of a black cat’s tail disappearing through one door, and Scott Summers clutching a net and running into the Communications room from another.

“SCOTT!”

“Yipe!” Seeing the Muir island crowd suddenly appear on the monitor, Scott ineffectively tried to hide the net behind him.

Storm stared at him with dangerously narrowed eyes. “And *what*, may I ask, were you doing with a net?”

“Er--well--you see--Ahh -”

Jean glanced at the clump of threads and fiber that sat untidily over the crotch of Scott’s pants. “Let me guess, you fell asleep with Gambit on your stomach. And he found a lose thread.”

Scott’s face flushed bright red as he glanced down.

“Scott, I will have your spleen when we get back, if you *dare* to de-claw Gambit.” Storm told him icily.

“But he-“

“It *wasn’t* intentional.”

Warren was observing Betsy, as they all spotted the black cat cautiously poked its head around the corner of the open door behind Scott. A grin was creeping over her face. The expression on Brian’s face was priceless. No one had gotten around to telling him about Gambit’s adventures, so the current fate of the X-Men’s mutant thief was nearly sending him into hysterics.

“Remy cannot help it. He has been a cat since yesterday. He has not spent this much time as a cat, since that first incident. He’s bound to slip now and then.”

The cat nodded empathetically to this.

“Scott, when Remy tore up the sofa, he had it re-upholstered. I’m sure he’ll buy you a new pair of pants to replace the pair he ruined.”

The cat stuck out its tongue first, but it nodded grudgingly to Jean’s statement. Betsy discreetly covered her mouth and Warren could guess that the shiver that went down her spine was from her determination not to burst out laughing.

“So, put down that net. And leave Remy alone.”

Scott turned to glower at the black cat. Remy shrunk back, prepared to turn tail and run at a moment’s notice.

“Sccoottt?”

Scott sucked in a deep breath and let it out again before he leaned the net against the wall to sit down to sulk. “How did you know to call so conveniently?”

“Remy sent us an e-mail.”

“He did what? How?”

They all looked at the cat as he stayed near the door, still a bit unsure about approaching his leader.

“Oh, come in and sit down, Remy.” Scott waved over to the cat. “I promise, I’m not going to de-claw you.” But he added in sotto voce, “This time.”

“I *heard* that Scott.” Ororo reminded him frostily.

"Scott, why don't you put the Cerebero helmet on the chair so that Remy can join this conversation?" Jean tried to hide her smile as she regarded her husband and the nervous looking black cat that was now walking towards the communications console.

"Will that work?"

"I don't see why not? The Cerebero helmet was built as an interface for a telepath's mind. And it'll be faster than having you translate Remy's words to us."

Scott put the helmet on the chair next to him. The audience at Muir island couldn’t help but smile to watch how the cat swung a little to pull it’s bottom from falling off the edge of the tiny space available on the chair after Scott had put the helmet in place. “Scott, don’t be mean. Next time let Remy take his seat before you put the helmet on the chair for him. “Jean scolded her husband lightly as they watched the cat scoot into the helmet.

Words started to scroll up from the bottom left hand corner of the screen. {Testing... testing... Gambit on line.}

“Now, then.” Hank announced brightly. “We didn’t get a chance to talk about it earlier, so shall we discuss how this-- ‘cat-astrophe’ happened *this* time?”

“Don’t look at me? I left Gambit sleeping with Rem-“

{Will you stop calling my cat, Gambit!}

“Remy, be fair.” Try as he might, Scott just could not keep the smile out of his voice as he regained his humour. “That’s the only name he answers to. Face it, your cat comes when we call him ‘Gambit.’”

{That’s a coincidence. Scottie, he is not a dog. Cats don’t come running when you call for them. Why the hell you want to give him a name is beyond me. A cat approaches you when he feels like it.}

“Oh, that explains *you* in any case.”

{What is *that* supposed to mean, Summers?}

“*You* come and go as you like it, just--like--*a* cat.”

“You know, Scott does have a point.” Hank rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Gambit really doesn’t act very cat like in that respect. He could definitely learn from you, Remy.”

A line of gibberish appeared on the screen, which the others took to be Remy generally cursing under his breath. Unfortunately, for Scott, any amusement Jean and Storm may have felt for the current situation instantly evaporated when the cat sneezed rather thunderously.

“Ack! Scott!” Jean made a face. “Please clean that helmet before I get back. I’m not putting that on my head if there’s going to be cat germs lining it.”

“Scott, did Remy catch a cold?”

{I’m ok-- Ahhh Chooo!}

Scott winced as the Cerebero helmet fairly shivered with the force of that sneeze. “Hang on, I’d better turn down the air conditioning. He fell in the pool yesterday.”

{More like got thrown it.} Remy groused as he sniffled and started to clean his face with a paw.

“You threw Remy in the pool?” Storm stared at the squirming X-man.

“Really, Scott.” Hank shook his head and tsked at the thought. “I remember distinctly telling Bobby in your presence that Remy’s problem has very little relation to the fabled Jusenkyou ponds in Ranma 1/2.”

“But didn’t they use hot water to restore them in that show?” Kitty asked thoughtfully as the others, who were clearly not familiar with the anime, gave Hank a blank look. “Unless you guys did some renovations recently, I don’t remember the Westchester pool to be heated.”

“I didn't do it for that purpose! It was an accident. I only wanted to slow him down. Didn't realise the Supersoaker was going to be powerful enough to knock him in th--“

“You chased Remy with a *Supersoaker*?!”

“Er-- it was safer than my optic blasts?” Scott sank further into his seat at Storm’s raging countenance. If Jean were to describe her husband’s appearance, she would probably have likened it to a disarming ‘kicked puppy look.’

“Ahem.” Hank decided to affect a rescue of his unfortunate leader before Storm decided to brave the elements and fly over the Atlantic on her own steam. “Perhaps we could get back to the question of how Remy’s mind was once more transferred into Gambit’s?”

{Will you all stop calling him, ‘Gambit’!}

“My dear Cajun, look at it from our perspective. Until you finally name him and get him to respond to the new name, it is the easiest reference that we have for your cat. ” Hank sighed in a conciliatory voice. “When we first met him, your mind *was* in him. And look at us now, we are facing an adolescent black cat who *is* Gambit.”

“It could have rubbed off, Remy.” Jean added thoughtfully. “If you consider it, it could be a partial memory that makes your cat associate the word ‘Gambit’ with itself.

“Actually, isn’t it quite a refreshing concept.” Hank nodded to her. “A cat, which comes when you call.”

{If you’re so picky, you name him. Gambit is *my* name.}

As one, the audience looked at the black cat with an arched eyebrow.

{#@%&! You *know* what this Cajun means!} The Cerebero helmet started to pick up a pink-ish glow.

“Stop it, stop it.” Storm waved her hands in front of her as she tried to hide her smile from her irate ‘brother’. “Let us all stop teasing Remy, and get back to our earlier discussion?”

“Okay, as I was saying...” Scott sighed as he lounged in the chair and looked over at the cat sitting in the chrome helmet. “I left Gambit sleeping with Re--“

At Ororo’s hard glare, Scott coughed and changed his words appropriately. “I mean--I left Gambit’s cat sleeping with him while I went to the kitchen to get Gam--the cat’s breakfast."

"Scott, why did you let a cat into my clean, sterile infirmary?" Hank looked rather put out with him.

"Look, Ga--the cat was upset, and it peed on the floor in front of the elevator. What was I going to do? Prepare myself to step into cat pee every time I use the elevator to go to the lower levels?" Scott waved his hands in frustration. "Anyway I thought Remy’d appreciate having some other company besides myself. And since Gam--the cat’s been prowling all the rooms upstairs looking for Remy after he landed in the infirmary, it wasn't a long stretch for me to guess why it was distressed.

"I only left them for a short while. When I came back to the infirmary, Remy was in his cat.”

"Hmmm, I definitely see a correlation of a lab, sleep, and proximity." Hank murmured thoughtfully.

{So that’s how it happens? If Gambit falls asleep, or is knocked out in a lab, his mind moves into the cat for safekeeping if it’s nearby?}

“That seems to be a sound theory. If I recall correctly, you were unconscious the second time.”

"Yes, and the third time it happened, I was the one who was injured and in the infirmary." Ororo nodded. "Remy had come by to visit with Ga--his cat."

“And he had fallen asleep in the infirmary while watching over you. Fortunately for you, Remy, it has only occurred with this particular cat. Not any other animal.”

{Whoopee. So, the next time Gambit got to stay in the infirmary, my cat is denied all visitation rights.}

"Ahhhh, a mystery solved for the day."

“By the way, how did you send them an e-mail, Remy?” Scott pouted at the cat, still faintly upset at being caught. “And how did you make them catch me in the act?”

{I can still type. My paws are bigger than the keys, but I can extend my claws to hit only specific keys.} Even over the monitor, the audience in Muir Island could tell that Remy was rather smug about his accomplishment. {As to how I got them to catch you? I timed it. Gambit didn’t rise to the rank of Master Thief on charm alone.}

"You typed?" A speculative gleam seemed to shine off Scott's face. “Saayyy…”

That same gleam appeared to be reflected in Ororo’s eyes as well.

{Gambit don’t like the way you’re all looking at him.}

“The FOH database?” Ororo rubbed her chin thoughtfully as she locked eyes with Scott.

“My thoughts exactly.” Scott turned Gambit’s chair towards him and knelt in front of the Cerebero helmet.

Remy realized rather belatedly, that since he was sitting inside the helmet, he was cut off from escape through the rear. Scott had him effectively cornered. Understanding also crossed his face as he picked up the thoughts his leader was broadcasting.

"Please Remy?"

{No.}

"Remy, we could use you in this capacity. The woman you'll be tailing is a sucker for ca-"

{No!}

"You're the only one who can do it."

{So I go in as Gambit and romance her! NO!}

"She’s a married woman. Remy, please? If you’re human, your eyes will give you away as a mutant. This way-"

{Stormy? Don't do this to Remy?} Even in a pure line of text on the monitor, the poor Cajun’s consternation at being ‘betrayed’ was quite unmistakable.

@};-'- @};-'-

_Later..._

Scott stopped the car, and opened the door to let the black cat with red on black eyes jump down from the passenger seat. "Remember, I’ll be just outside and you can stay in contact with me telepathically. I’ll come in with all guns blazing to get you if anything goes wrong. Okay, Dar-"

#Call me 'Darling' again, an' y' get it where de sun don' shine, Summers.# The cat gave him a dirty look.

"Get used to it, Remy. That's the kind of name she called her previous cats.”

#Wait! Previous cats? What been happenin’ t’ her pets?#

“The previous two or three died. Don’t know why the lady’s having so much trouble with her pets, it seems she just lost another cat two weeks ago. But it does make the woman’s a prime candidate to pick up an available cute little kitty who looks like he could use some tender loving care."

#And you don’t think for one minute dat y’ sending Remy t’ his death?# The black cat glared at him, though the severity of the look was weakened by the sneeze he let loose. #One day, Gambit gonna get y' f' dis, Cyke.#

“You’re hardly powerless, Remy. Besides, think of this as an opportunity. You’re stuck in that body for a week, so why don’t you make fruitful use of it?”

The black cat blew a raspberry at his leader.

@};-'- @};-'-

Scott watched in satisfaction as Remy went to work and very easily and quickly charmed the woman who was observing the preparation of the stage with her husband. As he and Storm had hoped, Mrs. Jacobs was taken in by the plight of the lonely looking adolescent cat that had appeared beside them to watch the proceedings too.

As the woman ooo’ed and cooed over the purring cat, Scott had very little doubt in his mind that she’d be bringing Remy home with her by the end of the day. Unfortunately, the plotters had not counted on Mrs. Jacobs being conversant with the standard pet owner’s practice when picking up strays.

Scott’s hands were over his mouth in mortification as he watched the woman carry Gambit into a nearby vet’s clinic. “Oh dear lord, Remy’s going to kill me when this mission is over.”

“Well, this is quite a charming young feller yer got here, Mrs.” Scott overheard the vet saying from his position under the window after he hurried over to the back alley of the clinic. “Here we go, little guy. We'll have you feeling right as rain in no time. I have something that will take care of that nasty cold for you. Then we’d better see about getting you the regular shots, heh?”

#Non! Dis can’t--dey can’t-- I already HAD my shots! Henri gave them to me! OOOOW!#

Scott winced as he clutched his head. He knew the telepathic scream was deliberate, and only directed at him. [Er? Remy? There’s at least one consolation?]

#And what’s that? OOOOW! Three’s enough! Three’s enough! I don’t want any more needles! Gambit gonna make y' pay f' dis, Summers!#

[Oh come on Remy, aside from the shots, a medical examination can't be that bad.]

#Gambit like t' hear *you* repeat dat, when *you* hav' a thermometer stuck up *your* ass. ‘cept-- if y’ do get off havin’ somethin’ shoved up y’ ass-- ‘m gonna have t’ have a long talk with Jeanne ‘bout y’ de toys y’ own.#

[Are you sure you’re feeling okay, Remy?] Scott vainly tried to hide his amusement of imagining the doctor with the said apparatus up the black cat’s nether regions. [You just missed an opportunity to tease me about the stick up mine. What is that supposed to mean anyway?]

[Y’ in a rare humor t’day, Summers. And what d’ y’ *think* I meant?]

Scott’s face blushed bright red when the innuendo finally registered. [That’s-- Eeeewww.]

[Ha! ‘Eeeew’ is having this pervert here checking every orifice of this body. Least the other activity could be fun--]

[Anyway!] Scott firmly interrupted the Cajun before he could begin to describe homosexual activity in graphic detail. Knowledge he knew Remy was apt to challenge Logan with when they were in the mood to embarrass anyone in the room with them. The two were undeniably straight, but they still enjoyed wicked entertainment in discussing Japanese yaoi and slash fiction; a subject that sent most of the other men running and the women eagerly leaning forward to listen in on. The blush on Scott’s face was hotter then the sun at the thought.

[Anyway, Remy. Look on the bright side, you’ve already been neutered, so…]

#Oh joy and rapture! I’m sure *dat* makes me feel all warm, and fuzzy inside. Ack, his fingers don’t taste any better dan Henri’s.#

“Would you like to have him de-clawed as well?”

In the alley, a big, bright smile spread over Scott’s face at the vet’s suggestion.

#Summers! She try, Gambit OUTTA HERE!#

[Remy, we need--]

“No, doctor. That would be cruel to the poor dear? He should have some way to protect himself.”

Scott crossed his arms and sulked. [Darn! ‘ro wouldn’t have been able to blame me for that.]

#I heard dat!#

“Hmmm, his heart is pounding? E--er--

“Precious.”

Scott choked as he stuffed his hand in his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

“Ah yes, Precious, must not like clinics very much.” The doctor frowned as the cat’s upper lip seemed to curl in disgust at the sound of his new name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfinished :( Have the rest of the days plotted, but no help from the muse in completing it yet...


End file.
